I just sent off an email to my group of mom friends in which I shared how I am surviving the darker days. It has been grey and raining here in the bay area.
Here is the exerpt:
Hope you all are well. Don’t let the grey days get you down. Try full spectrum light bulbs, yoga, or other movement, or a shift in thinking. Well, it has been helping me so I thought I’d share. :}
Stay bright!
I am in the midst of a search of where and who with to take yoga teacher training. I want to begin as soon as possible with a 200 hour intensive to get things started. That way I will get the credentials in the least amount of time. The clock is ticking. I need a way to generate an income so that I don’t have to get a job that takes me away from baby for 40 hours a week.
With the time crunch there are a few drawbacks. I won’t get to take in the curriculum at a slower rate and take classes in between sessions. I think this is a great way to learn. One can absorb the material with thoughtfulness. What I mean is that there is more time to ponder what has been learned and to integrate it into everyday life and yoga practice. One can also compare and contrast what is learned in yoga classes taken in between training sessions. Then there is the opportunity to assist classes which offers another venue for learning.
The intenisves have bonuses too. Quick. Cheaper. Less time spent on extra stuff.
Regardless I plan to keep learning by taking other courses like Pre & Postnatal Yoga Training, etc.
So I am looking into what is available in the Bay Area. Preferably in Berkeley or somewhere closer to me. I am also looking at what possibilities exist in studying with teacher that have particularly moved and inspired me like Diego del Sol, Dina Amsterdam, Amanda Moran, and Pete Chandonnet.
So, the search goes on. I can’t wait to get training.
I did it again, I spent the evening doing chores as well as making dinner and pumping instead of catching a nap like I wished to do. I want to make sure the house doesn’t get too behind in cleanliness. I keep doing this even though other moms keep telling me that as a new mom I should let things slide. I wonder how other moms do it. Will seems to do some of his best sleep late evening. I need to get my sleep then too. When I was brushing my teeth getting ready for my little nap before Will wakes up, I found myself crying. I would have liked to sit and watch a funny movie tonight. Just to laugh and relax. But I didn’t. Now we have laundry done and the kitchen is somewhat clean.
Balance. I want it.
Housekeeper. I want one :}
On another note, today Will and I went to a postpartum yoga class in Berkeley. The teacher was wonderful. There was only one other mom and baby in class and I wound up chatting with her and exchanging info with her. I meet the nicest people in all of these mom/baby kinds of classes.
Blessed am I.
I was talking with my dear friend Julia of The Joe Cocker Dancers about dance and movement and life we came to the subject of yoga. I told her of some lovely pictures in the current issue of The Yoga Journal (August 2008 issue) where they explained 5 mudras and how to incorporate them into your yoga practice. I used them the other day just before I practiced my hypnobirthing that I spoke of in my previous post. The mudra that resonated with me most strongly that night was Vajrapradama mudra. Vajra means “thunderbolt”. This symbolizes unwavering confidence and brings you back to that place of personal power. To do this mudra you cross your fingers and rest the palms of your hands on your heart’s center with your thumbs apart. I practiced it while sitting on my calves (knees and heels together under me). I found it to be calming and centering.
She mentioned wanting to expand on her yoga practice which made me think of my very first yoga teacher, Holiday Johnson, and how Julia might enjoy trying out her classes. I got to thinking about how lucky I was to come across a yoga teacher as knowledgeable and great as Holiday. She gave me a great foundation. She is very detailed, gives great corrections as well as great directions in class. She is firm in her style of teaching yet very giving of her knowlege and desire to bring her students to understanding the yoga and all that it has to offer.
One of the most impressive things I found about Holiday is that she was able to use yoga to correct or immensely help her scoliosis.
I honor her dedication both as a student and a teacher.
~namaste~
Today I continue my doula search. I find my feet dragging every time I mean to research, call, and interview doulas. I am afraid. I don’t know if I will find the right person to be my doula (I really need to feel comfortable with my doula). Will I ask the right questions?
I am afraid to give birth. I will mostly likely, at this point, give birth in a hospital, and if I am less than 36 weeks, by a MD. I am afraid of time limits the hospital puts on labor and on trying to give birth naturally. I am afraid of the medical interventions that they are accustomed to using. I afraid that I will not feel comfortable or be able to relax in a hospital, or even if I were to have this baby at home. If I am afraid and uncomfortable my body will not open easily and I will not enjoy the birth
The uncertainty of who, how, when, baby’s health, and finances surrounding the birth are unsettling to me.
I do know that midwives and doulas will be supportive to my philosophy which will help matters a great deal. I do not want to live in fear. I want to enjoy life and accept the challenges gracefully and with appreciation.
I wish could practice yoga. I know that would soothe me as well as help prepare me for birth. I think, if I make it to 36 or 37 weeks that my doctors might allow me to do yoga. That is about 7 weeks away. So, now I will have to figure out how to soothe myself, live gracefully and enjoy life in other ways. The first thing that comes to mind is turning to my breath.
In my doula search I found this poem that had the effect of improving the quality of my breath and the state of my mind:
I am a willow tree,
Strong, yet fluid
graceful.
I can bend with the wind,
but my roots are tough,
indestructible.
Opening to birth my child
is flowing with the wind:
from a soft and gentle breeze
to a stormy gale
back to a soft and gentle breeze.
My body is strong, but flexible.
It is my friend, it knows how to open.
I am a friend to my body
eating well, walking, and loving myself.
I shall birth safely, freely, openly . . .
among my loved and trusted ones.
I am the willow, flexible
beautiful resilient
endowed with the power of surrender
to the wind rustling through my leaves,
my branches.
My roots reach deep into Mother Earth
Anchored in Her strength
I bring forth life
In joy!
—Author: Anonymous
I read a little article on Common Ground Magazine’s website today about kid yogis that had picture of an adorable and serene looking baby sitting in the lotus position with hands at the heart. When I practice this pose I feel relaxed and I “come back into myself”. I am often “go-go-go” if even just in my head. It feels nice and right to get grounded again with yoga.
I think it is a marvelous idea to teach kids yoga. Kids do it naturally anyway, similar to the way in which cats and dogs do (think about the pose Downward Dog for example). They just intuitively know how to move their bodies to keep feeling good.
There is a yoga pose named after something that babies naturally do: Happy Baby Pose
I plan on becoming a yoga teacher. I hope to take a teacher training within the next year. I am not sure how that will work out with a baby about to come but, having read this article, I now feel like I can share my yoga adventures with my baby. The thought of this is very satisfying.
~namaste~