I feel like I have been stuck on a perpeptual rollercoaster of worry. Most times I don’t even know that I’m on the ride. Its like I’m stuck inside this worry machine and don’t even know it.

When showering today, I pondered the worry in my life. (Lately it has been on overdrive and mostly about Will… but worry is a constant theme in my life.) Billy keeps asking me not to worry so much. I have heard him say a variation of these words so many times in the last few weeks since Will’s arrival. Billy is right, I do need to stop worring so much.

I got to thinking about all the energy I spend on worring and wondered if something bad actually did happen would it take as much energy as I have spent preemtively worring about what could go wrong or what I could be doing wrong. I was struck by this thoughtful realization. It helped give me perspective. I figure if there is information I think I need to have to help me understand the best way to do things then I should put my energy into researching it and then trust it. I also need to trust the resources that are there for me (like the Pediatrican, and other people’s wisdom as well as my own wisdom and intuition.

I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to be around me when I worry worry worry. (Thank you Billy for being there for me through all of this.) I don’t want to drive myself or others crazy with my worry.

I want to live well and always do my best. I need to do this not only for my family but also for me.