MaternityShare

February is nearing its close and we are still not living in our home. We are on our 4th sublet, living with roommates, and were about to have to find a 5th because we found out our place will not be ready until March 5th. That is the construction manager’s estimate… and, that was before he heard our carpet is slowly making its way from Georgia via Canada. Ok.

We are currently staying a funky “house” that used to be a railroad station. It is shaped like a triangle. You can see it in this satellite google maps view. There are 2 units and we live upstairs with a housemate: Art. Art was a kind and brave soul to take us in. This place is so small it doesn’t have a living room or even a full kitchen.

The best thing about this place, other than it being safe and warm enough (with our space heater), is Art. As with the other sublets I am thankful to have met such awesome folks which is one of the best silver linings in this whole fiasco.

Our sublet here ends on Feb 28th. But I finally got a hold of the reportedly absentee landlady and offered her $25 a night to let us stay after our housemate leaves. She said yes. Phew.

What do you do when you don’t see eye-to-eye with your partner?

You can:

A. agree to disagree
B. hold it against them
C. passive aggression
D. leave
E. negotiate (but won’t this option just end up falling in one of the above?)

Some say that life won’t bring to you anything that you aren’t strong enough to handle.

Ok.
But, there are degrees of successful handling.
Whatever.

What does it mean to be human?
I live. I die.
But what about inbetween?

Heaven help me. I think I am going insane. But, I feel pretty clear about it. I guess I am not going insane.

I miss my family. My mom, were she here would laugh and play with Will so I could take a bath or work on my craft (which will bring me both pleasure and money).

I miss my friends… their familiarity, their wisdom, their stories and jokes that would make me laugh and help me cope with the hard parts of being a new mom and life in general.

I am making friends here but they are new moms too and it takes a while to grow a friendship like the ones I grew in Portland. I am thankful for what I have here in the Bay Area but I sure am missing family, friends and familiarity: Portland.

When Will and I are out and about in the world we often get the question that starts with “aww”, then follows with “how old is he?” Today he is just over 8 weeks old. When I told that to the lady in line at Whole Foods she replied “you don’t see ones that young out much”. I have gotten comments similar to this now and then. When Will was about 6 weeks old one sagely woman at the Berkeley Cafe Gratitude told me that I should be with Will in the sanctuary of my home. I said back something like “really?” even though I agreed with her. I felt like I just wanted to be home and resting and recuperating and nurturing Will. Ideally I would have liked to have been nurtured too by my family and friends and she said as much. She said that traditionally women did not leave the home for 40 days after delivery. When I asked how these women did not get “cabin fever” she told me that the mother and babe were cared for by the family and that they were with her which allowed her not to feel the strain of being isolated.

Oh my. I loved what she said. I realized that my longing for a tribe (community) to be with me and love and care for me was not unfounded. Yes, I am a modern woman but I am also a human and I believe that humans have a natural instinct to live as this woman suggested caring for each other, protecting and celebrating their young, and each other.

I feel sad and like I am missing something by not having this rich tribe. My family and friends are scattered about the globe (mostly located in Portland). Also, it seems that in these modern times or, at least in this first world country that our ties with our family are not as strong as they would have been at a time in the past or in another culture.

I am thankful that my mom did come and stay for a week to be there for us. I am also thankful that Billy’s mom came to help and be with us too. Then, about a week and a half ago, my friend Rebecca called me up and asked if she could come by with some homemade soup! Of course! She and her boyfriend came by with not only soup but groceries from Whole Foods! Lots of organic, fresh goodies. She had been traveling to places such a Egypt so was unable to come sooner.

I want to reclaim some of those seemly less and less common values. Friends and family are a treasure to be tended to and like a garden, grow.

I love you my dear family and friends.

My dear friends, I have been anticipating with happiness my trip to Portland this week. Unfortunately I cannot travel now because I have been put on strict bed rest due to pre-term labor. I was really looking forward to visiting you all, looking into your lovely faces and giving you big hugs. I miss you all very much.

I can’t wait to share this part of my life with you and to hear all that you have been up to. Since I found out I was pregnant, I have become acutely aware of how much I have been hiding in my shell while adapting to the changes in my life, and of how much I miss my friends and family. I think of you often.

Billy and I had planned 2 trips to Portland before the baby’s due date of August 5th. I guess I will have to wait a little longer than I had hoped to nurture my Portland community, in person at least.

I would love to hear from you. You can email me at christine@maternityshare.com. My other email addresses that you have work as well. I will post here on MaternityShare at least once a day and will soon be adding pictures of my growing belly, and more! So I invite you come on back and visit often and join in the conversation.

Even though I am very camera shy, I wanted to create a little video greeting for you as well:

love,

~Christine