MaternityShare

Man am I tired today. And I have a headache. I believe that I am not so desirable company today and my in-laws are in town. I want to be happy and entertaining but I can’t keep it up, my jolly attitude keeps derailing itself like a gutter-ball. I usually get in some morning nap time with Will to help refresh myself but I haven’t been able to lately. Add to that the fact that I keep going to bed late because I want to hang out with the grown ups and I can see why I feel so crummy. I think Will is going through a growth spurt as well so I imagine that that puts more demand on my body.

Will hasn’t been getting enough good sleep either, or rather it is taking him longer to get to it, the good sleep that is.

All this being said, it is great to have the in-laws here. Will gets to bond with them and they get to bond with Will. Good stuff. And they are real nice people to boot. So, really, I am lucky.

I am feeling grateful.

Will and I had such a lovely morning. We woke, we fed, we bonded, we slept some more. (Now, I did not catch up on my sleep, I just got some. I needed that.)

I feel like the last two days Will and I have been really hitting it off. We are starting to feel comfortable with each other. At least that is what if feels like right now. I think we are both getting more mellow in a way.

One change I noticed in me that has something to do with my part of it is that I have been working on holding space for what Will and I need right now and not so much what other people want for us. I have also gone somewhat inside. Almost like a retreat. I need to honor myself, who I am, and who the mother I want to be is. Its naturally all there already inside. I am just doing a little bit of a better job at nurturing it. I need to. This is how I will unfold and become who I already am. If I am not myself I am nobody. How can a nobody be a good mom, a good partner, a good friend? So, while going inside and focusing more on me (and Will as an extension of me right now) may seem selfish I actually think its selfless.

Well, its 4:40am and I am in my own little world but I suppose that is true no matter what time of day it is especially now that I am in a postpartum period. In blogging and in life I feel both my creativity and my self censorship are not at their fullest or best.

Take care, be well.

~Christine