Tag Archives: bed rest

what’s up? making a baby, yo.

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I have been in (more of) a worry state the last few days. My contractions have increased again. Yesterday and the day before I have had to taken 5 STAT doses of Nifedipine to control them. These doses make me groggy and stupid and I worry about subjecting (more of) the medicine to the little fellah. He is just a wee little thing.

I just made an Excel spreadsheet of the highlights of my contraction adventures in bed rest. I know, exciting. It helped me to visualize better what the patterns are so I can go over it with my doctor. She will call to check in with me when she gets out of delivery.

Some of the reason why I want to check in (in addition to the concern that my belly almost seems to have gone into an almost constant “firm” state) is that I have been noticing some new sensations. Billy and I think that it is probably because of my enlarging belly. It seems to all of the sudden become bigger out of seemingly nowhere. It is getting large, folks!

My sense is that everything will be “okay” but I was told to check in with concerns.

Being “stuck” on bed rest and having to monitor my contractions and other sensations is making me slightly crazy with worry. I keep reaffirming that I am committed to carrying this baby until the first week of August.

The mind is a powerful thing. I aim to trust that.

Stepping up to the challenge

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I have been putting off writing today and here are some of the reasons why:

I have been feeling bit edgy, perhaps “stir crazy”. There is so much I want to do with my life, there are things that I have been wanting to do, and now that I have all this time on my hands I have come face-to-face with these desires. Due to bed rest, I can’t do anything about them now which is frustrating.

Actually, in truth, I can do something. I can prepare. I can read. I can research. I can write. I can brainstorm. I can finally work on meditation and learning more of what it is about so that I can practice my way into it. I even have a book on my shelf that would introduce me nicely. Then from there, there are options: I can get on amazon.com and find something more in depth. If I am feeling unsure of which book (or dvd) to pick, I can email or call one of my local yoga teachers and ask.

It is the things like dancing that are really frustrating me. Bed rest and dancing do not mix. I have decided to watch videos and read writings of dancers to learn from their experiences. I learn a lot just by watching so I have been watching clips on youtube. But all this observing is making me antsy. I find myself clenching my jaw or sympathetically moving my body like a snake being charmed by the snake charmer. Well, I can look at this “problem” as an opportunity to work on my relaxation skills, which is something I want to work on anyway.

And then there is crafting. I am itching to make stuff again. I used to create and sell silk flower adornments (among other things) and I’d like to start doing that again. This too will have to wait until after the baby is born. But when will I have time then? I will find a way (eventually).

Yesterday I began crying, sobbing actually. I was embarrassed because someone in our building might hear me. In trying to be an growing, pro-active person, I tried to assess why this was happening. But I couldn’t figure it out. It was as if a cleansing was taking place that allowed no room for assessment. Billy called me soon after the tears ended and he asked me why I was sad. When I talked about it to him I figured I was sad because I feel lonely. Not only do I feel lonely being pretty much secluded these days but also because I don’t really have much of a community here in the Bay Area. I have been somewhat hermit-like and my social skills have been wanting.

In thinking about it now, it seems as if I have been closed-off a bit to life… not living fully. Why? I have been wondering if it is because I have been wanting what others have (that means I am living outside of myself) instead of wanting things for myself and going out into the world and developing or getting those things (that would be living inside myself).

When I have these realizations, I try to use them for positive ends and not for wallowing in the negative. That’s hard, and is what I’ve done for too much of my life.

Anyway, this is part of what’s been going on for me. I am finding this time of my life to be very challenging. I also find it to be a gift.

I decided to post about this in my quest to be transparent, or, to be real. This is part of who I really am. Pleased to meet you.

The pre-term labor hospitalization story – Part 2

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While we stayed at the hospital, we were scheduled to meet with various specialists. First it was the ultrasound technician who checked thoroughly on our little one while we watched and marveled. Turns out he was, at the time of the ultrasound, 1 lb., 15 oz. Wow, that is tiny. She also found that my cervix was shortened to 2.1 cm. which is cutting it close. But, we got a healthy report on the baby.

Then I had a visit from the physical therapist who taught me some exercises that I should do in my bed. They are super simple but, they are better than nothing. My whole being is craving yoga and dance. The plan was for me to be strong and supple to guide this baby out of my body and deal with the labor with ease and as naturally as possible. I wonder how being on bed rest for some time before I deliver will affect the deliver process.

A neonatal specialist came to see us next, she described how they would care for the baby if he was born pre-term and many of the things that can go wrong, the risks and statistics, and the technology and experience they have to deal with it. I liked her, she was smart, confident, caring. Even though the information was hard to hear and think about (both emotionally and the fact that I was doped up), she made me feel a ease somehow.

There were two other specialists who deliver babies gave us information on what to expect and what services they provided. Luckily Billy was there because I was not able to take all they had to say in. So much information, so little clear thinking available at the time.

Now I am adjusting to my temporary life on bed rest (which will very well last until I deliver). Such an interesting turn of events, I tell you! The baby’s health is a powerful motivator. He is way too young to leave his womb-y nest, so, I told the little fellah he is not to come out yet. In fact I have believe I have inspired him to stay inside his until week 40! At this point, the doctors just want me to get to week 29 where his chances and lung development will be much better. I actually was given 2 injections of steroids to boost his lung development “just in case”. I don’t feel good about the drugs that have been put in my body, but if they give the baby the best possible chance at a healthy life because he was able to stay inside of me, his natural incubator, then I accept them.

Not only am I going to miss the sweet baby shower that friends in Portland had planned for me this weekend, I will also miss celebrating my birthday and Mother’s Day with my family on the 11th, but here’s the hardest one of all… and this one can only ever happen once: I am going to miss Lenny (my youngest brother) and Haley’s (his fiancée) wedding in mid-July. But, I believe that a fair trade off will be that I am able to present them with a healthy nephew to make up for it!