MaternityShare

Will is wont to adopt stray dogs nowadays. Today he temporarily adopted “Toby” who I am sure was named after a little pup Toby he has at home (we gave his original pup the name Toby which we made short for Toblerone. He came with a chocolate care package Will’s Lola and Lolo* gave us).

Will hugged Toby the 2nd and told him he loved him in a tender voice. It was so sweet that I wanted to buy it for him. But, I heard Billy’s voice of reason and minamalism in my head, then, asked Will to say goodbye to Toby. Will pressed Toby back into the fold of the other plushies and said a very sweet “goodbye Toby”.

I love this kid.

*Lola and Lolo are Tagalog for Grandmother and Grandfather

I find that I don’t get a lot done outside of caring for Will. I love being with Will but I need to take care of me too. And, make some money, to boot.

How do you do it? Whether you are single or have 4 kids, I know most people struggle to find time to do all the things they want to do (or things they feel like they should do).

I have tried making lists on paper, on my computer, on my phone. I have tried calendar alerts. Etc, etc. I still can’t seem to manage to get it all done. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I am doing with Will or other things that crop up that I find that need doing that I forget about the original list and ignore alerts.

Now that I see red flags popping up all over the place I am pained to take action. My red flags include heaps of undone tasks, body sore and tight, grumpy, dissatisfaction and depression, distorted thinking. Then are outside influencers waving red flags. There is my partner voicing concerns, companies I owe money reminding me of delinquency, friends drifting away.

In reflecting on this issue and everything that relates to it I have come to think that I can do the following:

1) Cut out the unimportant. Using the 80/20 principle (“roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes”). Determine what 20% of things I do account for 80% of the effects in my life. Keep noticing the 20% and do those first! When I find myself straying, remind myself to get back on the path of that fertile 20%. If I want to gain more perspective on this and be inspired about a host of other life changing and fun things to do, then re-read Timothy Ferriss’ book The Four Hour Work Week. Then, do as Tim says. It won’t happen magically. Give it a try.

2) Make (and KEEP) plans and goals. Make time to revise plans in a weekly reflection period. This reflection time will also give me the opportunity to look over what I have accomplished in the week and what needs changing.

3) Dreamline. Another gem I learned from Tim but have not had the guts to try out fully. I love this idea though. Its a super simple way to figure out how to achieve what you want. DO IT! DO IT TONIGHT!

… well, Will is waking from his nap so I must shift back to him.

I would love to hear how other people find time to do things. Let me know!

I have been so grumpy lately. My son is almost two and I haven’t had a regular or full time job since I was put on bed rest two months before he was born. I feel the stress of responsibility to get a job to bring in money for the family. I look for work from time to time but there is so much competition out there and I doubt my resume top tier material.

I still don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat right, I barely exercise, I see my skin aging, my back pain and posture are getting worse.

I forgot how to take care of me. First and foremost, I keep worrying about my son and how he is doing. Well… that’s enough grumping… I could grump some more for sure but why dwell there?

Grumpy mom, look on the bright side…

1) I started a work out program at my local gym with my membership that I have been paying for but not using. I got sick of paying the $12 every month and getting nothing from it but a sense of guilt at just throwing that money away every month for years now. The work out drained me and I felt tired and wobbly but I also felt great. I had a new energy that had not been there before. It sustained me for two days! Now I need to get back. 2-3 days a week.

2) Will is adjusting to day care and thriving! He gets social time and learns new things in a new environment. And, I get some time to work on my social media projects, work out, look for work, blog, read and respond to emails.

3) I started planning the bellydance class I have long wanted to teach. I need to share this talent I have. I need to share this life changing dance. I have been hesitant to do it for several reasons. Screw those reasons. I’m going to do it. Beginning bellydance class coming soon in Alameda. Soon, I will offer workshops and private parties.

4) We found a house to rent. One where we share no walls with neighbors. It has a yard with room for Will to play, have a water table, a sandbox, and a garden. It is farther away from SF then I would like but its not that far. It has everything we put on our basic wish list.

There, four things I can appreciate.

So, grumpy mom… are you taking care of you? You need to take care of you to take care of those around you. If you take care of you the people around you will appreciate it. Don’t forget. Do it now.

We have completed day two of daycare at Teacher’s family style daycare. These two days we considered a trial period to see how things went. I can tell that he is adjusting to the new setting. He is observing the other children, trying out new toys, actions, and concepts. Overall, Will seems to be thriving.

When I came to pick him up from day 2 I played with the kids, talked with Teacher about how Will’s day went and what to do moving forward.

Will is in daycare right now. This is day two. The first day was 5 days ago as we are currently doing 2 hours on Mondays and Wednesdays. The first time he integrated nicely. He tooled around and checked things out and casually called out “mama?” while I was in the other room. I answered back casually and he continued to play. Then, I slipped out.

Later I was told that he did fine until the day care assistant showed up and the main teacher went to go make snack for snack time. He had not met this assistant before so he became unsettled and cried for about 15-20 minutes.

At snack-time they read “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” and Will settled down and became engaged in the story and the social interaction. He did not eat, however. (Will and I have been reading Brown Bear a bit at home lately so, it was a nice familiarity. He can now read most of the book TO me.)

Today… when I left Will… he cried. He cried big, he cried loud, he clung, he said, “no!”. Teacher took him in her arms and I left saying “Mama will be back. See you later, Will.”

Before I let him go I told him where I would put his shoes and that when I come back to pick him up I will help him put them on.
I told him about all his favorite things that we brought and where they were and how he could show them to the kids or have Teacher read him his favorite construction book. I began to linger too long and I knew it. Teacher was at my side starting to reach for him. Will writhed a bit and I felt my control physically and (mostly) emotionally beginning to crumble. I told Teacher: This is hard for me. She took Will with confidence and a quiet patience and caring.

So, as he cried and protested with his eyes shut tight because it was too much for his little body and mind to bear I went out the door with my loving, upbeat goodbyes.

Last week, Teacher’s husband re-affirmed that a quick goodbye is the best for everyone. I hated to hear it again but knew he was right so I tried to do it the best I could do it today.

As I was writing this, Teacher called me. (We had previously agreed that she would call me about a half hour before I was due to pick him up to see how he was doing. If he did well we would extend his stay.) The report: things were going well! Yaay, Will! So, he will stay an extra half hour.

Side note:
We are testing the waters for everyone by doing 2 hours chunks but plan to go to at least a full half day on Monday/Wednesdays until the end of August when she will be full up. That will probably be about the right time for Will to enter a preschool anyway.

Well, I should actually try and get some work done that will make me some money.

So, now that I’m back, where were we?

I was looking for childcare…

I tried out a nanny share for Will that included one of his friends that he has known since he was about 3 weeks old as well as a happy nine month old little girl. The short story: that didn’t work out. Will wasn’t happy.

Today he is trying out a new place in Alameda that is a family based day care. He is the youngest at 23.5 months old. He seems to like the space and the main caregiver. He is there right now and I am down the street at a Peet’s Coffee having an Earl Grey with Lavender tea listening to soothing classical music and using the power of positivity to believe that he is having a good time.

Before I left the caregivers husband showed me where to put Will’s things and told me to make my separation quick otherwise kids tend to play on parental emotions and the longer you stay the more they manipulate and play a little game with you to get you to stay longer and longer, etc etc.

Will said “mama?” from the playroom but didn’t come to get a visual of me so I said “I’m putting away your stuff, sweetie”. He continued to play. So, put on my shoes and went quietly out the door.

When I left he was talking happily about what he was doing and checking out a toy school bus. I watched him throught the gauzy curtains for a half a minute, careful not to let him see me then I hurried off with a beach towel held up in front of my head so he might not see me.

I went for a walk around the neighborhood to let out the tension and anxiety I was having. On top of it all I am PMSing and, I agreed to take care of a friend’s child right after I pick up Will. A lot is on my plate, but, I can handle it – so, I’m handling it.

Dear Blog,

I have missed you so much. I think about you from time to time and have been meaning to write. I have had so many things to tell you.

I have found a whole host of excuses to not visit you and tell you what’s been on my mind. Being a mom seems to be my biggest excuse, along with being fearful of how you might judge me.

But not being with you makes me feel like something is missing. I like being with you (even when its hard). When I don’t let out the things I have on my mind and when I don’t express myself I feel like things bottle up and opportunities for learning more about you and about myself slip away.

Anyway, I’m here now. I love how you always welcome me back no matter how long I have been gone.

Thank you,

Christine

The time has come to look for child care. Will needs the stimulation and I need to work. So, today Will and I toured a local child care center that is run by the city.

A few things that I was surprised by is that they were not open to cloth diapering but more importantly, they get their food from Sysco I am not sure on the specifics of the offerings this company has but I was told that there are no organic foods and that they use processed foods. Why are we serving sub-par foods to our children? Where ever I end up placing Will in day care I am will work to transition them over to serving healthy foods so that the children will be healthy and happy. When I was growing up, I ate pretty well but too much of the American Diet. When I found out that whole foods make me feel energized and happier I was thankful. I can’t believe how much of my life I was eating crap and feeling crappy. It doesn’t have to be like this. There are options. Just look for them. Make it happen. It is not as hard or expensive as you might thing. If you need ideas feel free to ask me but there are a ton of resources out there and an increasing awareness about this issue.

Don’t settle for sub-par food for yourself or for anyone. If you are addicted to them or just used to them, challenge yourself to make the switch to whole grains and fresh foods. I think you will find you will become addicted to feeling great. Your whole life will improve.