I used the Voice Memos app to capture this audio on my iPhone. I pulled over after I stopped recording and emailed it to my mom. She loved that.

Here are some bells that rang out for me while reading:

“Establish a routine.”
I keep hearing this one and have yet to overhaul our days so that it has a routine from start to end. We have the bedtime routine pretty established but could work on enforcing the actual bedtime. I let actual bedtime fluctuate because the rest of the day is in flux.

“Sleep begets sleep.”
Again, I keep hearing this one. I have yet to see the evidence. It seems like a routine goes hand-in-hand with this one.

“Sleep, eat then play.”
Wow, this is a simple no-brainer (calories = energy) that I have not been following. I will now!

Now, on the night time sleeping routine, I am not sure I agree with it all. For instance, I believe that a baby should not be left to cry alone in a crib or elsewhere. Crying is the main way babies have to communicate their needs. Yes, a child could manipulate you to come and take them out of their crib, but, they could also be trying to let you know they need to be burped, have a diaper changed, or other. Here is where the “learn the cry” section comes in.

As it is now, my struggles are getting Will to sleep on his own and getting him to nap and night time sleep at a decent time. What do I do now that he is a toddler? I read on the Berkeley Parent’s Network the other day that one thoughtful mother believes that one should wean around 18 months or around 3 years old and not at two. I have been wanting to night time wean for about 6 or so months now. I have had one full night sleep in 2 years. (He did sleep through the night one other time, at 6 months, but I could not!) Needless to say, I am not coping well with prolonged sleep disruption. I hate the person I am when I am tired. Hate it!

Had I established a routine with Will early on I would have had a better handle on all his sleeping habits (and eating habits too!)

What now?

UPDATE:
After I wrote the above post I left a comment/question in the comments area of the It’s Never Too Late to Get a Good Night’s Sleep article. I got a reply from a Montessori teacher for Preschool and Lower Ed who has a degree in Early child-hood and, 10 grandchildren. (See the 3rd comment from Diane. Mine is the 2nd comment.)
She has some insightful things to say about how to handle getting a child to go to sleep in their own bed. I found it loving and gently firm. She points out that giving children boundaries in a caring way equates to a child with a healthy scene of independence and self discipline. Imagine what mentally healthy adults these children will grow into. They will be able to accomplish great things for themselves and others.

I listened and heard a dog howling out a long, sad and lazy sound. I told Will that it was a dog making that sound. I added that dog was missing his mama and papa and that that is why it was making that sound and that that sound was called a “howl”. When I saw a thoughtful and concerned look come across his face I added “his mama and papa are coming back soon and then he will be happy again.” He seemed to feel better about this because his look turned to mostly thoughtful.

Worried that he would stew on this predicament, especially given he had been having a hard time at day care until yesterday, I asked him “do you want to go get your doggie and hold him?”

“Yah” replied Will. He moved to got get it, then said, “doggie.” I went along with him while he found Goldie, a stuffed dog his dear friend Romy gave him for his first birthday, and we hugged, kissed and pet him.

Will, obviously thinking over the matter a little more, just about floored me when he said “I want to hold people’s dogs” which meant he wanted to hold the dog that was sadly waiting for its parents to come home. They way he said this was so sweet, so real.

“Do you want to get one of your other doggies?” Will ran to get Toby a small plush toy that came inside a package of Toblerone chocolates that his grandparents gave us. We pet and hugged and kissed Toby, even Goldie did.

Will seemed pretty satisfied with our efforts to cheer up the dogs because he went and placed Toby in one of his favorite corners to hang out and reflect in then, he took Goldie on a new play adventure.

We had a little family party for him at my brother’s new house a few weeks before his actual birthday. The family wanted to celebrate him since they are unable to come to the SF Bay Area to celebrate his birthdays. Everyone was late, dinner took a while to get on the table, and Will was dead tired for most of the festivities. It was sad, but what are you going to do? Got to make the best of it. And we did. All in all, it was a nice little party. Will began perfecting his singing of Happy Birthday To You. So sweet.

We had a little Skype session with the San Diego grandparents and the Portland grandparents on his actual bday: July 14th. We lit a tea light (which he blew out with ease), sang, and had a single slice of cheesecake which we did not finish between the 3 of us. Will was tired again, though it was much earlier in the evening.

The following Saturday was his big event birthday party. His San Diego grandparents flew up for the weekend and Will was ecstatic! He had near nonexistence of naps and lot and lots of excited play time. He went to bed too late, as usual, and woke at the same time: EARLY! We had a great weekend though. The party at Crab Cove in Alameda. It was a nice setting and the company was wonderful. Will had talked daily about how our dear friend Tillie was going to make his birthday cake and how he had a candle for her to put on top: Tillie’s going to make my birthday cake… I have a candle for Tillie”. This cake was truly special. She picked black berries to put in the cake the day of the party! And, get this, she iced it in the car on the way to the party! It was beautiful and delicious! We had a little taqueria make taco fixings and chip and dips for us.

Will and the other children were too engrossed in their play to open presents so we took them home and opened them over the next 4 days to spread them out. I still can’t decide if that was a good idea. Later in the day, after the last one was opened, he said he was going to open his present. I reminded him that he had already opened his last one. He was fine with it. If I had to do it over again, I think would have him open them at the party in front of everyone earlier on in the party, right after cake. On second thought, that could be stimulation overload for a 2 year old. Hm… Maybe at 3 he could handle that. What do other people do that works well?

Some people say that at 1 and 2 years old they are too little to have a birthday party. But I believe it is an important ritual or right of passage that goes beyond the birthday person. In the first few year of life I see birthdays of more of a bonding experience for everyone who attends. Then as children get older and be begin to understand what it means to celebrate a birthday it can become a time of reflection as well as a time to celebrate that we are alive and the people in our lives. I like to think of it like that… otherwise it just becomes an empty or meaningless explosion of energy, effort and resources. Or, something we just do or are expected to do. That’s not only dumb, but a waste.

I didn’t have a birthday celebration this year and I felt loss because of it. I realize that I need to take charge of my birthday ritual and not expect anyone else to make it happen like I usually do. Even if its as simple as going to the beach, sitting on the sand, looking at the water and reflecting on what the past year held for me and what my goals are for the upcoming year.

Also, I like to celebrate my family and friends on birthdays. They are the people who help shape my life.

It takes a lot of energy to throw a party where a lot of people are in attendance but I think it is worth it for certain markers in life. But, after reflecting on Will’s party, and the nonexistence of a party for me, I am really aware of the fact that I would rather have lots of little gatherings to spend time with people who I love.

So we go into Orchard Nutrition Center to satisfy my “whole foods” requirement and as we are checking out I see this 6 pack of muffins that looked very wholesome and yummy. We bought it for around $4.50 (seemed like a deal to me… the ingredients were near perfect and real, whole foods - a rarity). Will and I feasted off of theses for days.

I would love to make muffins like this at home. After we move out our Summer House I will turn to cooking and baking.

Raisin Bran Muffins ingredient list:

organic wheat flour, bran, buttermilk, honey, rasins, eggs, safflower oil, baking powder, baking soda

Will hugged Toby the 2nd and told him he loved him in a tender voice. It was so sweet that I wanted to buy it for him. But, I heard Billy’s voice of reason and minamalism in my head, then, asked Will to say goodbye to Toby. Will pressed Toby back into the fold of the other plushies and said a very sweet “goodbye Toby”.

I love this kid.

*Lola and Lolo are Tagalog for Grandmother and Grandfather

How do you do it? Whether you are single or have 4 kids, I know most people struggle to find time to do all the things they want to do (or things they feel like they should do).

I have tried making lists on paper, on my computer, on my phone. I have tried calendar alerts. Etc, etc. I still can’t seem to manage to get it all done. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I am doing with Will or other things that crop up that I find that need doing that I forget about the original list and ignore alerts.

Now that I see red flags popping up all over the place I am pained to take action. My red flags include heaps of undone tasks, body sore and tight, grumpy, dissatisfaction and depression, distorted thinking. Then are outside influencers waving red flags. There is my partner voicing concerns, companies I owe money reminding me of delinquency, friends drifting away.

In reflecting on this issue and everything that relates to it I have come to think that I can do the following:

1) Cut out the unimportant. Using the 80/20 principle (”roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes”). Determine what 20% of things I do account for 80% of the effects in my life. Keep noticing the 20% and do those first! When I find myself straying, remind myself to get back on the path of that fertile 20%. If I want to gain more perspective on this and be inspired about a host of other life changing and fun things to do, then re-read Timothy Ferriss’ book The Four Hour Work Week. Then, do as Tim says. It won’t happen magically. Give it a try.

2) Make (and KEEP) plans and goals. Make time to revise plans in a weekly reflection period. This reflection time will also give me the opportunity to look over what I have accomplished in the week and what needs changing.

3) Dreamline. Another gem I learned from Tim but have not had the guts to try out fully. I love this idea though. Its a super simple way to figure out how to achieve what you want. DO IT! DO IT TONIGHT!

… well, Will is waking from his nap so I must shift back to him.

I would love to hear how other people find time to do things. Let me know!

I still don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat right, I barely exercise, I see my skin aging, my back pain and posture are getting worse.

I forgot how to take care of me. First and foremost, I keep worrying about my son and how he is doing. Well… that’s enough grumping… I could grump some more for sure but why dwell there?

Grumpy mom, look on the bright side…

1) I started a work out program at my local gym with my membership that I have been paying for but not using. I got sick of paying the $12 every month and getting nothing from it but a sense of guilt at just throwing that money away every month for years now. The work out drained me and I felt tired and wobbly but I also felt great. I had a new energy that had not been there before. It sustained me for two days! Now I need to get back. 2-3 days a week.

2) Will is adjusting to day care and thriving! He gets social time and learns new things in a new environment. And, I get some time to work on my social media projects, work out, look for work, blog, read and respond to emails.

3) I started planning the bellydance class I have long wanted to teach. I need to share this talent I have. I need to share this life changing dance. I have been hesitant to do it for several reasons. Screw those reasons. I’m going to do it. Beginning bellydance class coming soon in Alameda. Soon, I will offer workshops and private parties.

4) We found a house to rent. One where we share no walls with neighbors. It has a yard with room for Will to play, have a water table, a sandbox, and a garden. It is farther away from SF then I would like but its not that far. It has everything we put on our basic wish list.

There, four things I can appreciate.

So, grumpy mom… are you taking care of you? You need to take care of you to take care of those around you. If you take care of you the people around you will appreciate it. Don’t forget. Do it now.