MaternityShare

My friend Juliette successfully trained her toddler at age two years and one week old. I enjoyed hearing the story as it progressed and was inspired by it as well. I asked her to write a guest post for MaternityShare so that other families could be inspired as well. Around our house we started potty training Will a little differently and it was going very well but we let ourselves get interrupted by travel and a household move. One day I will blog about our potty adventures as well. In the meantime please enjoy Juliette’s fun tale:

A funny thing happened around our house lately and by “funny” I mean awesome. My toddler got potty trained. I say he “got” potty trained because, frankly, I feel like I had very little to do with the process. In fact I had braced myself to the idea of him being much older before he was ready to use the potty, he being a boy and all. Also, he didn’t seem bothered in the least by the fact that he was sitting in his own mess and didn’t think twice about making puddles on the floor when he was rocking his birthday suit at home. (Which was often) But a week after his second birthday he pooped in the potty, excitedly compared it to a hot dog and we never looked back.

Oh, what joy …. no more diapers! Sure there were accidents and lots of comparisons to hot dogs and I only recently had the portable potty surgically removed from my hand. I still have about 12 seconds to find a bathroom when little man announces: “I wanna poop!” But, did I mention? No more diapers!

A lot of my friends are now starting to think about potty training and I keep getting asked: how? So, as if I’m in the position to be giving any advice, here is my rough breakdown of our “strategy”:

Prepare Our prep work stemmed from the fact that we don’t have a whole lot of boundaries around our house, so lots of open door bathroom trips, bathroom talk and nudie play time (Um, him not us) were the norm.

Tasty rewards Do I really need to elaborate? Bribery rules.

Create opportunities for success We spent the first two days at home, naked. (Again, him not us) He got the hang of using the potty, and I got a feel for his elimination rhythms.

Get messy We ditched the diapers cold turkey. (Night-time excluded) I wanted him to know when he had an accident, how else would he learn? Was it messy? Yeah. Did we have to pay attention? Yeah. But in the end, I think it cut down on training time. And made sure we were …

Diligent While we were out I would make the poor little bugger sit and pee every hour. Excessive, yes, but it allowed for us to avoid many accidents and, I think, reinforced the idea that pee goes in the potty.

Mistakes happen. Well yeah, he’s two! There were and still are accidents. Mostly when he’s having too much fun playing to remember to go. Sometimes he wakes up wet in the morning. It happens, whatever.

Above all I tried to keep things positive and focused on the pride he felt for himself. I avoided at all costs using words that made it sound like he was going potty for me. Words like “have to “ or “please” or “Can you go for mommy?” I also never made him feel ashamed for having an accident. That would be so sad. But I never said it was Ok either. Most of all, I try to make potty time wicked fun. Stories, silly songs and I did mention comparisons to hot dogs, right?

Billy, Will and I went to the Alameda Art & Wine Fest last weekend and the first thing we happened upon was The Village Blocksmith booth. He had about six little round tables just the right height for a toddler to stand or bigger humans to sit at filled with very simple and beautiful blocks. Kids could come play and, if you were bold enough with your cash, you, the parents, could fork out your cash for a set.

He has a very basic website that do not do the blocks justice, but you can get a sense of them here.

This Savvy Source article It’s Never Too Late to Get a Good Night’s Sleep seems aimed more at babies but I found it useful for giving me tools to use for my 2 year old.

Here are some bells that rang out for me while reading:

“Establish a routine.”
I keep hearing this one and have yet to overhaul our days so that it has a routine from start to end. We have the bedtime routine pretty established but could work on enforcing the actual bedtime. I let actual bedtime fluctuate because the rest of the day is in flux.

“Sleep begets sleep.”
Again, I keep hearing this one. I have yet to see the evidence. It seems like a routine goes hand-in-hand with this one.

“Sleep, eat then play.”
Wow, this is a simple no-brainer (calories = energy) that I have not been following. I will now!

Now, on the night time sleeping routine, I am not sure I agree with it all. For instance, I believe that a baby should not be left to cry alone in a crib or elsewhere. Crying is the main way babies have to communicate their needs. Yes, a child could manipulate you to come and take them out of their crib, but, they could also be trying to let you know they need to be burped, have a diaper changed, or other. Here is where the “learn the cry” section comes in.

As it is now, my struggles are getting Will to sleep on his own and getting him to nap and night time sleep at a decent time. What do I do now that he is a toddler? I read on the Berkeley Parent’s Network the other day that one thoughtful mother believes that one should wean around 18 months or around 3 years old and not at two. I have been wanting to night time wean for about 6 or so months now. I have had one full night sleep in 2 years. (He did sleep through the night one other time, at 6 months, but I could not!) Needless to say, I am not coping well with prolonged sleep disruption. I hate the person I am when I am tired. Hate it!

Had I established a routine with Will early on I would have had a better handle on all his sleeping habits (and eating habits too!)

What now?

UPDATE:
After I wrote the above post I left a comment/question in the comments area of the It’s Never Too Late to Get a Good Night’s Sleep article. I got a reply from a Montessori teacher for Preschool and Lower Ed who has a degree in Early child-hood and, 10 grandchildren. (See the 3rd comment from Diane. Mine is the 2nd comment.)
She has some insightful things to say about how to handle getting a child to go to sleep in their own bed. I found it loving and gently firm. She points out that giving children boundaries in a caring way equates to a child with a healthy scene of independence and self discipline. Imagine what mentally healthy adults these children will grow into. They will be able to accomplish great things for themselves and others.

I find that I don’t get a lot done outside of caring for Will. I love being with Will but I need to take care of me too. And, make some money, to boot.

How do you do it? Whether you are single or have 4 kids, I know most people struggle to find time to do all the things they want to do (or things they feel like they should do).

I have tried making lists on paper, on my computer, on my phone. I have tried calendar alerts. Etc, etc. I still can’t seem to manage to get it all done. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I am doing with Will or other things that crop up that I find that need doing that I forget about the original list and ignore alerts.

Now that I see red flags popping up all over the place I am pained to take action. My red flags include heaps of undone tasks, body sore and tight, grumpy, dissatisfaction and depression, distorted thinking. Then are outside influencers waving red flags. There is my partner voicing concerns, companies I owe money reminding me of delinquency, friends drifting away.

In reflecting on this issue and everything that relates to it I have come to think that I can do the following:

1) Cut out the unimportant. Using the 80/20 principle (“roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes”). Determine what 20% of things I do account for 80% of the effects in my life. Keep noticing the 20% and do those first! When I find myself straying, remind myself to get back on the path of that fertile 20%. If I want to gain more perspective on this and be inspired about a host of other life changing and fun things to do, then re-read Timothy Ferriss’ book The Four Hour Work Week. Then, do as Tim says. It won’t happen magically. Give it a try.

2) Make (and KEEP) plans and goals. Make time to revise plans in a weekly reflection period. This reflection time will also give me the opportunity to look over what I have accomplished in the week and what needs changing.

3) Dreamline. Another gem I learned from Tim but have not had the guts to try out fully. I love this idea though. Its a super simple way to figure out how to achieve what you want. DO IT! DO IT TONIGHT!

… well, Will is waking from his nap so I must shift back to him.

I would love to hear how other people find time to do things. Let me know!

I have been so grumpy lately. My son is almost two and I haven’t had a regular or full time job since I was put on bed rest two months before he was born. I feel the stress of responsibility to get a job to bring in money for the family. I look for work from time to time but there is so much competition out there and I doubt my resume top tier material.

I still don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat right, I barely exercise, I see my skin aging, my back pain and posture are getting worse.

I forgot how to take care of me. First and foremost, I keep worrying about my son and how he is doing. Well… that’s enough grumping… I could grump some more for sure but why dwell there?

Grumpy mom, look on the bright side…

1) I started a work out program at my local gym with my membership that I have been paying for but not using. I got sick of paying the $12 every month and getting nothing from it but a sense of guilt at just throwing that money away every month for years now. The work out drained me and I felt tired and wobbly but I also felt great. I had a new energy that had not been there before. It sustained me for two days! Now I need to get back. 2-3 days a week.

2) Will is adjusting to day care and thriving! He gets social time and learns new things in a new environment. And, I get some time to work on my social media projects, work out, look for work, blog, read and respond to emails.

3) I started planning the bellydance class I have long wanted to teach. I need to share this talent I have. I need to share this life changing dance. I have been hesitant to do it for several reasons. Screw those reasons. I’m going to do it. Beginning bellydance class coming soon in Alameda. Soon, I will offer workshops and private parties.

4) We found a house to rent. One where we share no walls with neighbors. It has a yard with room for Will to play, have a water table, a sandbox, and a garden. It is farther away from SF then I would like but its not that far. It has everything we put on our basic wish list.

There, four things I can appreciate.

So, grumpy mom… are you taking care of you? You need to take care of you to take care of those around you. If you take care of you the people around you will appreciate it. Don’t forget. Do it now.

So, now that I’m back, where were we?

I was looking for childcare…

I tried out a nanny share for Will that included one of his friends that he has known since he was about 3 weeks old as well as a happy nine month old little girl. The short story: that didn’t work out. Will wasn’t happy.

Today he is trying out a new place in Alameda that is a family based day care. He is the youngest at 23.5 months old. He seems to like the space and the main caregiver. He is there right now and I am down the street at a Peet’s Coffee having an Earl Grey with Lavender tea listening to soothing classical music and using the power of positivity to believe that he is having a good time.

Before I left the caregivers husband showed me where to put Will’s things and told me to make my separation quick otherwise kids tend to play on parental emotions and the longer you stay the more they manipulate and play a little game with you to get you to stay longer and longer, etc etc.

Will said “mama?” from the playroom but didn’t come to get a visual of me so I said “I’m putting away your stuff, sweetie”. He continued to play. So, put on my shoes and went quietly out the door.

When I left he was talking happily about what he was doing and checking out a toy school bus. I watched him throught the gauzy curtains for a half a minute, careful not to let him see me then I hurried off with a beach towel held up in front of my head so he might not see me.

I went for a walk around the neighborhood to let out the tension and anxiety I was having. On top of it all I am PMSing and, I agreed to take care of a friend’s child right after I pick up Will. A lot is on my plate, but, I can handle it – so, I’m handling it.

Dear Blog,

I have missed you so much. I think about you from time to time and have been meaning to write. I have had so many things to tell you.

I have found a whole host of excuses to not visit you and tell you what’s been on my mind. Being a mom seems to be my biggest excuse, along with being fearful of how you might judge me.

But not being with you makes me feel like something is missing. I like being with you (even when its hard). When I don’t let out the things I have on my mind and when I don’t express myself I feel like things bottle up and opportunities for learning more about you and about myself slip away.

Anyway, I’m here now. I love how you always welcome me back no matter how long I have been gone.

Thank you,

Christine

The time has come to look for child care. Will needs the stimulation and I need to work. So, today Will and I toured a local child care center that is run by the city.

A few things that I was surprised by is that they were not open to cloth diapering but more importantly, they get their food from Sysco I am not sure on the specifics of the offerings this company has but I was told that there are no organic foods and that they use processed foods. Why are we serving sub-par foods to our children? Where ever I end up placing Will in day care I am will work to transition them over to serving healthy foods so that the children will be healthy and happy. When I was growing up, I ate pretty well but too much of the American Diet. When I found out that whole foods make me feel energized and happier I was thankful. I can’t believe how much of my life I was eating crap and feeling crappy. It doesn’t have to be like this. There are options. Just look for them. Make it happen. It is not as hard or expensive as you might thing. If you need ideas feel free to ask me but there are a ton of resources out there and an increasing awareness about this issue.

Don’t settle for sub-par food for yourself or for anyone. If you are addicted to them or just used to them, challenge yourself to make the switch to whole grains and fresh foods. I think you will find you will become addicted to feeling great. Your whole life will improve.