Oh dear. I have the flu. I had wondered when this would happen as it would eventually. Being a mom to a little one while being sick challenging. I took it pretty easy most of the day but I think that Will didn’t appreciate that. It seemed to lessen his coping skills with teething and other discomforts (like gas). But I pulled it together and was fun mom by late afternoon and all was well. I love that little boy! He is so wonderful!
Will slept a bit more today I think so I wonder if he will sleep well during the night. Well, I had better hit the hay to help prepare myself and to speed the healing.
I just sent off an email to my group of mom friends in which I shared how I am surviving the darker days. It has been grey and raining here in the bay area.
Here is the exerpt:
Hope you all are well. Don’t let the grey days get you down. Try full spectrum light bulbs, yoga, or other movement, or a shift in thinking. Well, it has been helping me so I thought I’d share. :}
I am in the midst of a search of where and who with to take yoga teacher training. I want to begin as soon as possible with a 200 hour intensive to get things started. That way I will get the credentials in the least amount of time. The clock is ticking. I need a way to generate an income so that I don’t have to get a job that takes me away from baby for 40 hours a week.
With the time crunch there are a few drawbacks. I won’t get to take in the curriculum at a slower rate and take classes in between sessions. I think this is a great way to learn. One can absorb the material with thoughtfulness. What I mean is that there is more time to ponder what has been learned and to integrate it into everyday life and yoga practice. One can also compare and contrast what is learned in yoga classes taken in between training sessions. Then there is the opportunity to assist classes which offers another venue for learning.
The intenisves have bonuses too. Quick. Cheaper. Less time spent on extra stuff.
Regardless I plan to keep learning by taking other courses like Pre & Postnatal Yoga Training, etc.
So I am looking into what is available in the Bay Area. Preferably in Berkeley or somewhere closer to me. I am also looking at what possibilities exist in studying with teacher that have particularly moved and inspired me like Diego del Sol, Dina Amsterdam, Amanda Moran, and Pete Chandonnet.
So, the search goes on. I can’t wait to get training.
I was talking with my dear friend Julia of The Joe Cocker Dancers about dance and movement and life we came to the subject of yoga. I told her of some lovely pictures in the current issue of The Yoga Journal (August 2008 issue) where they explained 5 mudras and how to incorporate them into your yoga practice. I used them the other day just before I practiced my hypnobirthing that I spoke of in my previous post. The mudra that resonated with me most strongly that night was Vajrapradama mudra. Vajra means “thunderbolt”. This symbolizes unwavering confidence and brings you back to that place of personal power. To do this mudra you cross your fingers and rest the palms of your hands on your heart’s center with your thumbs apart. I practiced it while sitting on my calves (knees and heels together under me). I found it to be calming and centering.
She mentioned wanting to expand on her yoga practice which made me think of my very first yoga teacher, Holiday Johnson, and how Julia might enjoy trying out her classes. I got to thinking about how lucky I was to come across a yoga teacher as knowledgeable and great as Holiday. She gave me a great foundation. She is very detailed, gives great corrections as well as great directions in class. She is firm in her style of teaching yet very giving of her knowlege and desire to bring her students to understanding the yoga and all that it has to offer.
One of the most impressive things I found about Holiday is that she was able to use yoga to correct or immensely help her scoliosis.
I honor her dedication both as a student and a teacher.
July 1, 2008 at 11:10 pm
· Filed under gifts, healh
Recently I have been searching for a pediatrician. I have to find one in San Francisco because that is my medical group’s service area. I will have to pay a toll, drive over the Bay Bridge and drive about 12 miles every time I will take the little one to the pediatrician (this is how it is now when I go to the OB/GYN now that we live in the East Bay). I don’t yet know how often the visits will be, but I have heard mention of the word “regular” in the early years. Oy vey!
We can’t switch medical groups at this point because I am too far along in my pregnancy. If we could switch, we could get a pediatrician closer to home but then we would be at a different hospital.
Challenges:
- finding time for both Billy and I to interview a doctor
- figuring out the questions to ask
- finding a doctor close to highway access
- knowing how to narrow down the search
- picking a young or older doctor
- understanding what is necessary medically and what could be done with a more natural approach… its easy enough to make these decisions for myself, but a brand new little person?
- trying not to worry that I feel pressure to get all this done yesterday so everything is prepared
Now… trying to relax, get this done, then move on to focusing on a positive rest of my pregnancy and birth experience. Oh yah, I also have to plan for a way to make money now that I no longer have a job.
I saw this pod on Current TV tonight. It was posted about a year ago. I found it interesting both in content as well as in production. Current TV has been bringing me some great content lately. I started really watching it regularly since Billy started working there about 3 weeks ago. There is so much good stuff and viewers get to contribute with comments as well as voicing what things they want see on the news at Current TV. You must head over there to appreciate the variety and wealth of information that it provides.
Today I thought I was making some good headway in figuring out what I could afford and what pieces I needed to work on solidifying to make the birthing situation a comfortable one. I had to make compromises but I was willing to live with them. Then, later tonight, Billy and I started talking finances for real. It seems that things are going to be really tight. I was being overly optimistic. Well, I guess I am happy about the optimism part, as well as making some headway and decisions. As it stands with today’s optimistic plan I will be broke (no exaggeration) by August and unable to buy a ticket to see my brother’s wedding. Yikes. Then I would be relying on Billy to support me, the baby, and himself while I bond with and take care of the baby before returning to work. This is a heavy weight.
Now I am stepping back and utilizing the “necessity is the mother of invention” tool for creating something out of nothing. Hey, I did that in my uterus, shouldn’t I be able to do it with finances?
It was pointed out to me that I should appreciate what I have. The opportunity to have my baby in a good hospital (CPMC, which people in the Bay Area call “the baby factory”) and if all goes well, at a minimal cost. Doulas and midwives are seemingly luxuries. I just don’t trust that the doctor’s best interests and my best interests are aligned. Why can’t I have the luxury of choosing the birth I want?
Am I being a brat? Unrealistic? Ungrateful?
I don’t know. Probably.
I do know that I am frustrated with lack of insurance coverage (or any sort of funding for that matter) for doulas and midwives. These professionals actually cost less! AND, they statistically have better outcomes with less interventions!
I am frustrated and appreciative, and open to the possibility of making money.
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
Tonight we had our friend Phoebe over for dinner and a movie. Billy made a yummy lentil dish with rice and tofu. When trying to decide what movie to watch the question came up of whether or not we had seen the movie The Business of Being Born. We had, but Phoebe had not. Since she seemed very interested in seeing it we decided to see if it was available via the Roku box on the Netflix instant stream. It was, so we watch it for the second time with her. It was still very interesting the second time around. Now, weeks later, it has a different meaning for me and my circumstances are different. I have read up a bit on midwifery and, chances (the fFN, actually) say that I am more likely to deliver pre-term. I guess what I took away from it this time around is the power and strength mothers have. I get to choose how I go into my delivery experience. Even as it gets intense I believe I will think of that. Also, it reaffirmed that I have choices on what interventions I do or do not receive. If I deliver in a hospital, I need to be strong in advocating for myself and my wishes. And, when I go into labor, I don’t want to go into the hospital too early so that I will be in my own environment for as long as possible and also there will be less of a time pressure on me to deliver on their time clock which could more likely lead to them falsely inducing or augmenting labor which will likely bring on complications.
Just thinking about all the hospital possibilities (especially with a preemie involved) strengthens my resolve to keep this baby in for about another month and a half so that he is full term and I can have a midwife deliver me.
The power of the mind is a fascinating thing… one that I wish I understood and could harness fully.
