I put another very important book aside to start this one. We came to the consensus that it was JUST the RIGHT thing to do. It turns out we were right. It is rocking my world in the most fantastic way. I am becoming more present and leaving fear behind. Oh no, not ALL the time, but A LOT more. And even just this improvement is worth the read. Just wait until I am done. What scary, amazing things will happen to me then? To you? Because when I finish I will be affecting those around me. That is part of my mission, and Linchpin agrees.

Linchpin is about being indispensable in all you do. That equals anything you want it to, really. Job security, social good, any interaction you have in the world will be affected.

It is about shedding a bunch of crap that we have been told that we need to do. Things that hold us back and make us unhappy. Things that actualy hurt us, hurt everyone. This is not a self help book this is a book that uncovers fact that is hiding from you and you didn’t even know it. How could you? Read the book and you’ll find out. Its a friendly, honest, important and easy read. Just keep turning those pages and enjoy.

Ps. You can start by reading the first chapter for free on Kindle. The Kindle version is even cheaper too!

I am doing an exercise from the book I am reading by Tim Ferris called “The Four Hour Work Week” (and website www.fourhourblog.com):

List 5 things i dream of having, being, and doing…

Tim Ferris says if you aren’t sure what you want then list the things you hate or fear

things i am afraid of and should do the opposite of:

dying
loved ones dying
feeling bad/sick
being unsure/unscheduled/unorganized = not living life to fullest or close to it

those are the first things that came to mind.

ok, got that out of the way, now I will look at it from the other angle:

WANT TO DO
myself, family, & world to feel great (yoga, diet, dance)
send Will to amazing schools/extracurricular activities

WANT TO BE
yoga instructor (with some components of things like feng shui, ergonomics, physical therapy mixed in)
good at cooking and eating for wellness

WANT TO HAVE:
housekeeper that cleans like i like it! (cleaning takes waaaayyy too much of my time and mana)
money to do what i want
confidence
amazingly healthy body and mind

to be continued….

ps. This is an unfiltered post of my dreamlining exersice.

A funny thing happened around our house lately and by “funny” I mean awesome. My toddler got potty trained. I say he “got” potty trained because, frankly, I feel like I had very little to do with the process. In fact I had braced myself to the idea of him being much older before he was ready to use the potty, he being a boy and all. Also, he didn’t seem bothered in the least by the fact that he was sitting in his own mess and didn’t think twice about making puddles on the floor when he was rocking his birthday suit at home. (Which was often) But a week after his second birthday he pooped in the potty, excitedly compared it to a hot dog and we never looked back.

Oh, what joy …. no more diapers! Sure there were accidents and lots of comparisons to hot dogs and I only recently had the portable potty surgically removed from my hand. I still have about 12 seconds to find a bathroom when little man announces: “I wanna poop!” But, did I mention? No more diapers!

A lot of my friends are now starting to think about potty training and I keep getting asked: how? So, as if I’m in the position to be giving any advice, here is my rough breakdown of our “strategy”:

Prepare Our prep work stemmed from the fact that we don’t have a whole lot of boundaries around our house, so lots of open door bathroom trips, bathroom talk and nudie play time (Um, him not us) were the norm.

Tasty rewards Do I really need to elaborate? Bribery rules.

Create opportunities for success We spent the first two days at home, naked. (Again, him not us) He got the hang of using the potty, and I got a feel for his elimination rhythms.

Get messy We ditched the diapers cold turkey. (Night-time excluded) I wanted him to know when he had an accident, how else would he learn? Was it messy? Yeah. Did we have to pay attention? Yeah. But in the end, I think it cut down on training time. And made sure we were …

Diligent While we were out I would make the poor little bugger sit and pee every hour. Excessive, yes, but it allowed for us to avoid many accidents and, I think, reinforced the idea that pee goes in the potty.

Mistakes happen. Well yeah, he’s two! There were and still are accidents. Mostly when he’s having too much fun playing to remember to go. Sometimes he wakes up wet in the morning. It happens, whatever.

Above all I tried to keep things positive and focused on the pride he felt for himself. I avoided at all costs using words that made it sound like he was going potty for me. Words like “have to “ or “please” or “Can you go for mommy?” I also never made him feel ashamed for having an accident. That would be so sad. But I never said it was Ok either. Most of all, I try to make potty time wicked fun. Stories, silly songs and I did mention comparisons to hot dogs, right?

What the hell can I do about taking care of our monetary needs and our family needs?

My mind feels pretty cluttered, my body is tight, and I am wound up as well as exhausted.

Given all the stresses I feel in my life and see in others around me I am baffled at how any of these things can even matter when we I have clean water, a roof, food, clothing, and personal safety when most of the world does not have all of these things.

Perspective. I will take a dose of that to cure me from the stress and guilt I feel pulling me down when I want to be rising up.

I appreciate my life and the gifts afforded to me. Now, I would appreciate if I would move my ass forward and do good for me, my family, and the world.

Something? Anything? Just so you can get somewhere … so you can at least find out what you don’t want to do. I know I want to make money to make life easier and to feel secure about things and not have to move back in with my mom. I just don’t know how to do that and keep Will by my side. Is there anyone who will hire me with a baby in tow? Will will not take a bottle anymore which makes things more challenging.

Well, I was working on the hair accessories thing again. I don’t have all the supplies I need to do what I was doing before. There is a lot of stuff I used for that. So I got a few supplies and tried a variation on what I was successful with before but this new variation I have found unsatisfactory. I feel stuck. I feel worried. I feel tired.

$ making ideas:
- Try hair accessories thing again, differently.
- Make baby hats (at least one for Will to keep his almost hairless noggin warm).
- Apply to a nanny company.
- Work somewhere on evenings and weekends when Billy can watch Will: Starbucks, property management company, teach dance class, catering gig.

I have a feeling that I just need to relax, take a step back and try again or try something different.

Mostly I need to trust.

I will survive… I will do more than that… I will live well. I will have plenty left over to give to others who need help. That would be satisfying.

Universe, I am your conduit.

I wasn’t prepared to be pregnant. I didn’t fully believe it was really happening. How can someone take that in? Take in that another life is growing inside of you and that about nine months later it will come barreling out of you.

So, you can imagine I was not prepared to give birth. I was scared! Part of me was excited that it could be wonderful and magical because I had heard great things about giving birth naturally. For example, a friend described her birth experience as nearly orgasmic and one of the most amazing experiences she would ever have! I had read an article that backed up her claim as well.

My birth experience did not go like that. I have yet to write about it here on MaternityShare. I am just not ready to share it yet.

Now, that I have had my baby and we have been getting to know each other for 3 1/2 weeks and that the family is starting to find patterns emerging I am looking at how my life experience is going. I am not doing well. I am so tired and I have the “baby blues”. I just can’t seem to get grounded and pull myself together. Billy keeps ecouraging me to be productive and to get on a schedule but I am finding it hard to get everything that he and I want me to do.

I need to realise in mind, body and, soul that what has happened in my life is real and that this is my life experience. I need to fully take it all in and accept the responsibility for it all. I aim to live more fully and to create the life I want. Wise people say that it can be done. I want to do it.

I think it must be acceptance that I need to cultivate. I believe that I am coming more from a place of fear. I feel that if I am fearing what is happening to me that I cannot fully expereince my life nor be the partner and mother that I want to be.

There is the matter of money weighing heavy over me/us. How can I make that work for me/us from the place of fear that I am in.

I think things like:

How can I make money and be a good mom? It takes time to make money. How can I make any decent amount of money? What is it that I can do and be a mom at the same time?

And there are more of these ridiculous thoughts floating in my head just clogging up the works. I don’t want my workings to be clogged. I want to be a wonderful, vibrant, joyful person/partner/mom.

When showering today, I pondered the worry in my life. (Lately it has been on overdrive and mostly about Will… but worry is a constant theme in my life.) Billy keeps asking me not to worry so much. I have heard him say a variation of these words so many times in the last few weeks since Will’s arrival. Billy is right, I do need to stop worring so much.

I got to thinking about all the energy I spend on worring and wondered if something bad actually did happen would it take as much energy as I have spent preemtively worring about what could go wrong or what I could be doing wrong. I was struck by this thoughtful realization. It helped give me perspective. I figure if there is information I think I need to have to help me understand the best way to do things then I should put my energy into researching it and then trust it. I also need to trust the resources that are there for me (like the Pediatrican, and other people’s wisdom as well as my own wisdom and intuition.

I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to be around me when I worry worry worry. (Thank you Billy for being there for me through all of this.) I don’t want to drive myself or others crazy with my worry.

I want to live well and always do my best. I need to do this not only for my family but also for me.

* “Beside himself. Why do we describe a distraught person as being ‘beside himself’? Because the ancients believed that soul and body could part and that under great emotional stress the soul would actually leave the body. When this happened a person was ‘beside himself.’ This same thought is to be found in ‘out of his mind’; and in ‘estasy’ too. ‘Ecstasy’ is from the Greek and literally means ‘to stand out of.’” From “Dictionary of Word Origins” by Jordan Almond (Carol Publishing Group, Secaucus, N.J., 1998)