Category Archives: growth

On the Path to Becoming Indispensible

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I am on my second listening to “Linchpin: Are You Indispensible” by Seth Godin. I started reading the ebook but could not find enough time to sit still to read it. So, I bought the audio version too. Money well spent. Because I finished! And am doing it all over again because there is more to learn. I am changed by my first listening. I expect to be changed even more and further along my own path to becoming a Linchpin. I am processing it and practicing living it and then falling back into fear then getting up and trying again. And I am loving it. Partly because I am loathing the status quo.

My main goals:

  • social good: to be a better member of society and an amazing mother and guide for my son.
  • enjoy rewarding work (this will actually feel like a gift!)

Being a Linchpin is challenging. But, the alternative is painful. I hate being what you may call a cog. I want to feel great about who I am and what I do. I want to tell the truth, point out new ways to go, and most importantly really enjoy my time, my life-time.

I wish someone could make it easy and tell me what to do. But that’s how I have been trained. Now, its time for me to try out new things, gain and follow my insights, learn from the process and to give gifts.

Does this sound like babble? If so, I either need to learn to explain myself better or, I guess you have to read the book. And, you get to make out of it what you want to. Anyone can do it. The only thing holding you back is that you have to choose to do it.

So, today, I have hidden behind avoidance of the work I want to, need to accomplish by:

  1. listening to the audio book longer than I felt was appropriate for me today.
  2. cleaning my house
  3. writing this blog post, even

Now, its time to get to work. I am about to change lives. Most importantly, my own. I hope to see you out there.

GO. Make something happen.  ~Seth Godin

Failing to Fail Properly

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Fail until you SUCCEED via http://fatfithealthy.tumblr.com/

I had to sweep the floor so that I could do yoga before I got started on my work. Then I had to check my email, my Facebook, and download Kickstarter gift from Beats Antique so I could have some sweet tunes to work to. But, actual my work is not getting done – and everyday this routine keeps repeating itself, the worse I feel.

Why am I stuck in a this cycle of avoidance? It SEEMS like I’m getting stuff done. But, that stuff is not what I need to get done first to show improvement in what I REALLY want to be doing.

My friend Almine posted a picture to Facebook today of a rock climber against a beautiful background so high up that only birds could (or so I would have thought) see that view. The caption was “Fail until you SUCCEED”. That image coupled with the spirit of Almine inspired me to post it on my own Facebook page so it would sit there as a reminder.

Okay, so, I know I am failing right now (because this blog post is not the work I am supposed to be doing), but, I don’t think that is what she meant by it.
In order to successfully fail I need to do my work. Put one foot in front of the other and JUST DO IT.

So, here I go. I am ending this post (which at least I can tally as writing practice) and moving on to the work I keep putting off: social media for an amazing new start up. I hope to be bold enough to post here about it here very soon.

Now, time to fail until I succeed.

Noisy Neighbors

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This morning, at 6:53 AM, I received a text from an unknown number:

Good morning to you too. Who needs an alarm when you kid is like clock work. 7am. Everyday.

I assumed it was mistakenly sent to me. Someone must of been replying to a friend making a loving joke about the joys of parenthood. Right? I replied with a question mark.

?

No.
It was my downstairs neighbor, so said the relpy:

Sorry, this is your downstairs neighbor, Rick.

I had given Rick my phone number the last time he came upstairs to let me know my son’s noises were annoying him (Will was playing xbox at the time). I wanted him to be able to text me to let me know if it was too much to take. For my part, I am working with Will to bring about a true understanding about how his actions effect neighbors and how he can do them differently. I actually try to make them fun like “walk like Spiderman.”

But, nothing seems to stick. He tries to be quiet but then he forgets when he is following his natural urge to learn and explore the world around him. I totally understand this – its ingrained in the human child to do this – but, I believe that there must be a way to develop a routine that builds in an awareness of how we act.

I felt I ought to reply to Rick. I wanted to acknowledge him, give him a quick status update to show progress and intent (I also hoping to inspire compassion), and to add a note of positivity. So I texted back this:

Ah. Goodmorning, Andre. I stress about this constantly and am working to ease the noise. I hope you have a good day.

SOLUTIONS TO TRY OUT:

  • Before 8am we walk with extra soft foot steps. — BUT HOW? Words alone have not had much effect. So, this morning I introduced a visual que to indicate times of extreem quite as well as one for times of “normal inside noises”. This still needs work. I could use some inspiration here! What has worked for other families?
  • Streamline the morning: get as much of the morning routine prepared the night before so we have less to do. This way I can either get him out of the house sooner to play or, I can give him undivided attention to focus on play as well as guiding him into a routine of BEING EXTREMELY QUIET (we will see to what extent this is possible… again, he’s 3).
  • Move. – Unfortunately, we can’t take this easy way out anytime soon.
Even before I got Rick’s texts this morning I was feeling stressed about Will’s inability to remember to be quiet as well as his other antics that kept me from getting us ready in a timely manner. So, when I realized that this text was addressed to us, I was pissed. Here Will was being a handful, and there my neighbor was plying his poisonous wrath on us again.
Have a heart, guy. Children are a challenge. And a gift.

Will is pretty great, and, I’m trying. I would appreciate it if you would have compassion and give me constructive feedback so I can do the best I possibly can without you being pissed at me and me being pissed at you. I was so frustrated that I took it out on Will. That only made matters worse.

I love Will so much and am working to raise him as best I can with tools like Positive Discipline and Montessori and with the following in mind: social good, compassion, empathy, altruism (just to name a few). The way I felt today was just horrible. And, its not just this, I am feeling challenged in other areas of my life too. Sometimes I wish for more of the ignorance I sometimes see in other people. It seems it would be less painful.

But, I know it wouldn’t. That would just be another kind of pain.

So, as I lean into “the ring of fire” (borrowing a term from life coach Martha Beck), I try to learn from it. I am ever on the path to being a better person, a better parent and being a force for social good.

—
Note:
I have used a different name for my downstairs neighbor out of respect for him. I’ll just call him Rick.

Becoming a Linchpin

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Billy gave me the book Linchpin by Seth Godin about a week and a half ago. This is one hellufa book.

I put another very important book aside to start this one. We came to the consensus that it was JUST the RIGHT thing to do. It turns out we were right. It is rocking my world in the most fantastic way. I am becoming more present and leaving fear behind. Oh no, not ALL the time, but A LOT more. And even just this improvement is worth the read. Just wait until I am done. What scary, amazing things will happen to me then? To you? Because when I finish I will be affecting those around me. That is part of my mission, and Linchpin agrees.

Linchpin is about being indispensable in all you do. That equals anything you want it to, really. Job security, social good, any interaction you have in the world will be affected.

It is about shedding a bunch of crap that we have been told that we need to do. Things that hold us back and make us unhappy. Things that actualy hurt us, hurt everyone. This is not a self help book this is a book that uncovers fact that is hiding from you and you didn’t even know it. How could you? Read the book and you’ll find out. Its a friendly, honest, important and easy read. Just keep turning those pages and enjoy.

Ps. You can start by reading the first chapter for free on Kindle. The Kindle version is even cheaper too!

a mama’s dreamline in progress

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A WORK IN PROGRESS: DREAMLINING:

I am doing an exercise from the book I am reading by Tim Ferris called “The Four Hour Work Week” (and website www.fourhourblog.com):

List 5 things i dream of having, being, and doing…

Tim Ferris says if you aren’t sure what you want then list the things you hate or fear

things i am afraid of and should do the opposite of:

dying
loved ones dying
feeling bad/sick
being unsure/unscheduled/unorganized = not living life to fullest or close to it

those are the first things that came to mind.

ok, got that out of the way, now I will look at it from the other angle:

WANT TO DO
myself, family, & world to feel great (yoga, diet, dance)
send Will to amazing schools/extracurricular activities

WANT TO BE
yoga instructor (with some components of things like feng shui, ergonomics, physical therapy mixed in)
good at cooking and eating for wellness

WANT TO HAVE:
housekeeper that cleans like i like it! (cleaning takes waaaayyy too much of my time and mana)
money to do what i want
confidence
amazingly healthy body and mind

to be continued….

ps. This is an unfiltered post of my dreamlining exersice.

Potty Training Success

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My friend Juliette successfully trained her toddler at age two years and one week old. I enjoyed hearing the story as it progressed and was inspired by it as well. I asked her to write a guest post for MaternityShare so that other families could be inspired as well. Around our house we started potty training Will a little differently and it was going very well but we let ourselves get interrupted by travel and a household move. One day I will blog about our potty adventures as well. In the meantime please enjoy Juliette’s fun tale:

A funny thing happened around our house lately and by “funny” I mean awesome. My toddler got potty trained. I say he “got” potty trained because, frankly, I feel like I had very little to do with the process. In fact I had braced myself to the idea of him being much older before he was ready to use the potty, he being a boy and all. Also, he didn’t seem bothered in the least by the fact that he was sitting in his own mess and didn’t think twice about making puddles on the floor when he was rocking his birthday suit at home. (Which was often) But a week after his second birthday he pooped in the potty, excitedly compared it to a hot dog and we never looked back.

Oh, what joy …. no more diapers! Sure there were accidents and lots of comparisons to hot dogs and I only recently had the portable potty surgically removed from my hand. I still have about 12 seconds to find a bathroom when little man announces: “I wanna poop!” But, did I mention? No more diapers!

A lot of my friends are now starting to think about potty training and I keep getting asked: how? So, as if I’m in the position to be giving any advice, here is my rough breakdown of our “strategy”:

Prepare Our prep work stemmed from the fact that we don’t have a whole lot of boundaries around our house, so lots of open door bathroom trips, bathroom talk and nudie play time (Um, him not us) were the norm.

Tasty rewards Do I really need to elaborate? Bribery rules.

Create opportunities for success We spent the first two days at home, naked. (Again, him not us) He got the hang of using the potty, and I got a feel for his elimination rhythms.

Get messy We ditched the diapers cold turkey. (Night-time excluded) I wanted him to know when he had an accident, how else would he learn? Was it messy? Yeah. Did we have to pay attention? Yeah. But in the end, I think it cut down on training time. And made sure we were …

Diligent While we were out I would make the poor little bugger sit and pee every hour. Excessive, yes, but it allowed for us to avoid many accidents and, I think, reinforced the idea that pee goes in the potty.

Mistakes happen. Well yeah, he’s two! There were and still are accidents. Mostly when he’s having too much fun playing to remember to go. Sometimes he wakes up wet in the morning. It happens, whatever.

Above all I tried to keep things positive and focused on the pride he felt for himself. I avoided at all costs using words that made it sound like he was going potty for me. Words like “have to “ or “please” or “Can you go for mommy?” I also never made him feel ashamed for having an accident. That would be so sad. But I never said it was Ok either. Most of all, I try to make potty time wicked fun. Stories, silly songs and I did mention comparisons to hot dogs, right?

Rising Up

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100_2409 I was just glancing through my enormous iPhoto collection and saw this pic. This is how I currently feel even though this picture was taken almost one year ago on September 5th, 2008 when Will was less than 2 months old. I think I look tired but happy and in love with my baby. Will looks so peaceful and content and happy. I have certainly had my ups and downs since Will was born and I am still having them but, I work to keep them separate from the experience I have with Will. I hate when I get so stressed out about what I “should” be doing or figuring out how the hell I am going to make money so we can have our needs and wants met. I get so stressed out about the pressures of life that I do find myself neglecting things that I value highly like my health and happiness as well as treasuring every moment with Will and playing with him.

What the hell can I do about taking care of our monetary needs and our family needs?

My mind feels pretty cluttered, my body is tight, and I am wound up as well as exhausted.

Given all the stresses I feel in my life and see in others around me I am baffled at how any of these things can even matter when we I have clean water, a roof, food, clothing, and personal safety when most of the world does not have all of these things.

Perspective. I will take a dose of that to cure me from the stress and guilt I feel pulling me down when I want to be rising up.

I appreciate my life and the gifts afforded to me. Now, I would appreciate if I would move my ass forward and do good for me, my family, and the world.

What to do

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What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Something? Anything? Just so you can get somewhere … so you can at least find out what you don’t want to do. I know I want to make money to make life easier and to feel secure about things and not have to move back in with my mom. I just don’t know how to do that and keep Will by my side. Is there anyone who will hire me with a baby in tow? Will will not take a bottle anymore which makes things more challenging.

Well, I was working on the hair accessories thing again. I don’t have all the supplies I need to do what I was doing before. There is a lot of stuff I used for that. So I got a few supplies and tried a variation on what I was successful with before but this new variation I have found unsatisfactory. I feel stuck. I feel worried. I feel tired.

$ making ideas:
- Try hair accessories thing again, differently.
- Make baby hats (at least one for Will to keep his almost hairless noggin warm).
- Apply to a nanny company.
- Work somewhere on evenings and weekends when Billy can watch Will: Starbucks, property management company, teach dance class, catering gig.

I have a feeling that I just need to relax, take a step back and try again or try something different.

Mostly I need to trust.

I will survive… I will do more than that… I will live well. I will have plenty left over to give to others who need help. That would be satisfying.

Universe, I am your conduit.