MaternityShare

I am still trying to catch up on my emails from the point at which I gave birth to Will. I realize now just how much extraneous stuff comes to my inbox that I don’t really need to have clutter up my life. For instance, I get a newsletter from The Thrillist (both the San Francisco edition as well as the national edition). While I have gotten some interesting information out of these mailings they are now annoying. So I have been unsubscribing to as many things as possible.

I need to clear space in my life for my new role: Will’s mom.

To fully step into this role I also need to be wholly Christine so that I can be a solid role model who will be one of his most influential people to set the tone for the kind of interactions he will have in life. One thing I have been working on as a person as a mom is to recognize when I am in a fearful or ungrounded place and to get out of it and find a grounded and confidant place. People know when you are uncomfortable, afraid or if you are confidant. I want him to feel confidant and secure rather than feeling that something is wrong. I think that when I worry or stress that he will know and it will have a negative impact on him.

One thing that you could liken it to is how dogs pick up on people’s fear or authority and they will respond to you accordingly. I think that most people have heard that you should not let dogs sense your fear… especially protective or aggressive dogs. I have personally experienced this with dogs in two different situations. The first one I was 6 years old and was fearfully fleeing an running dog who caught up with me and bit my hip. The second time I was about 26 and even though I feared this dog that charged after me I turned and yelled “HALT!” with an outstretched arm and stopped an aggressive charging doberman! Wow.

We have also been working to get rid of clutter in the house. What a difference this makes. We had some boxes laying around on the livingroom floor for several days that we finally moved last night and now the living room is more open and I feel less confined or crowded. There are still piles of papers and stacks of magazines among other things to go through and get rid of. I feel daunted by the task. That is a lot of sorting. I am working to sort things as they come into my life so that I don’t have to deal with a mountain (or a mountain range) of crap. Those mountains just tend to loom over me which really bothers me.

I think the issue is having a system. I need a system to sort and contain my stuff, otherwise it contains me.

Will’s grandpa (and one of his namesakes) made the following birth announcement. This also doubled as notification to his rotary club of his “grandpaternity leave” when he came to visit us (along with Grandma Shipp too!):

Subject: PAST PRESIDENT ON GRAND PATERNITY LEAVE
MY FELLOW ROTARIANS:
Today another Shipp was launched at 5:55AM.  George William Astor
Shipp V weighed anchor at  six pounds at San Francisco Bay. Better
known to his friends as Baby Billy he has great lungs.
Cordially,
George Shipp

Following up on on my last post about “clothies“:

Wow, these diapers are cool. We have had our first day of using the diapers. They look and feel nice. They actually fit our little guy. The Egyptian cotton wipes are so soft and pick up poo like magic! They work way better that disposable wipes.

While it is no fun to get the poo out of the diaper, it is really not a big deal. You already work with poo when you change a diaper and wipe if off your baby’s bottom so what’s one more step? We just wash it down the drain under hot water then go through the thorough laundry steps.

Today when changing Will’s diaper he flatulated while pooing and shot me with it! So, I was wearing his poo on my hand arm and, oh my, my face. Well, if I can wear the poo I can work with cloth diapers.

Also, one can think of it like this: Will came from me and the poo comes from the milk that comes from me… its just the left over bits that his body wont be using. See? Easy. So what are you waiting for? Switch to cloth diapers. Its better on your budget and the landfills. Then there is the process making and transporting them.

Now, let’s see how I feel about it next week :}

I was just laying on my son’s play sleep area along side his little sleeping body under his rain forest deluxe gym when it hit me and I felt a sort of psychic ricochet… I wasn’t prepared for what happened to me…

I wasn’t prepared to be pregnant. I didn’t fully believe it was really happening. How can someone take that in? Take in that another life is growing inside of you and that about nine months later it will come barreling out of you.

So, you can imagine I was not prepared to give birth. I was scared! Part of me was excited that it could be wonderful and magical because I had heard great things about giving birth naturally. For example, a friend described her birth experience as nearly orgasmic and one of the most amazing experiences she would ever have! I had read an article that backed up her claim as well.

My birth experience did not go like that. I have yet to write about it here on MaternityShare. I am just not ready to share it yet.

Now, that I have had my baby and we have been getting to know each other for 3 1/2 weeks and that the family is starting to find patterns emerging I am looking at how my life experience is going. I am not doing well. I am so tired and I have the “baby blues”. I just can’t seem to get grounded and pull myself together. Billy keeps ecouraging me to be productive and to get on a schedule but I am finding it hard to get everything that he and I want me to do.

I need to realise in mind, body and, soul that what has happened in my life is real and that this is my life experience. I need to fully take it all in and accept the responsibility for it all. I aim to live more fully and to create the life I want. Wise people say that it can be done. I want to do it.

I think it must be acceptance that I need to cultivate. I believe that I am coming more from a place of fear. I feel that if I am fearing what is happening to me that I cannot fully expereince my life nor be the partner and mother that I want to be.

There is the matter of money weighing heavy over me/us. How can I make that work for me/us from the place of fear that I am in.

I think things like:

How can I make money and be a good mom? It takes time to make money. How can I make any decent amount of money? What is it that I can do and be a mom at the same time?

And there are more of these ridiculous thoughts floating in my head just clogging up the works. I don’t want my workings to be clogged. I want to be a wonderful, vibrant, joyful person/partner/mom.

Billy did some research on cloth diapering solutions by Bum Genius. He found an organic cotton diaper that will fit babies from 7-35 lbs by way of a system of snaps that allow you to fit the diaper to the current size of your baby. Billy ordered six diapers to start us out with so that we can try them out to see how we like them. We received them in the mail today and the are in the dryer as we speak. We can’t wait to try them on our little guy. I don’t know if he is big enough to fit into them but we shall see.

We also ordered twelve Egyptian cotton reusable wipes. They are so soft!

We also have a lot of Seventh Generation chlorine-free wipes that do not have a bunch of irritating additives to them like most wipes do. So we can use these when the need arises.

Here is a forum that talks about the various experiences that parents have had with these diapers. We found the overall user experience to be good.

Now I just have to get used to getting a little bit more involved with my son’s diapers. Oh boy!
I do feel great about the positive impact using these diapers will have both on our pocket books and the environment.

I have been noticing today that Will is making new sounds. He is also feeding more frequently and in higher volume. He is getting to be a little chubby now. We looked at some old photos today and confirmed that he is indeed putting on weight. Yaay! He is looking good and we are feeling good about how things are developing for him.

I feel like I may be getting sick though and I believe Will and I are shareing a yeast (candida) infection (me in the breasts, he in the mouth). I have heard different things about what to do from the Pediatrician, OB, my naturopathic doctor, and info found on the internet. Some say treat it myself, some say get in right away for proper diagnosis and treatment, It is confusing and frustrating. Feedings are now painful but bearable.

I have called a “mom friend” to get advice on the candida. I also asked my Doctor friend her thoughts on what I should. Both of these calls I had to leave messages so we shall see what they say.

Today was my projected due date.

Today Will is 3 weeks and 1 day old.

He is so precious to me. I hardly know what do do with myself…

I found myself by his little bassinet sitting and looking at him while he was about to doze off. I wondered: should I be doing somthing to help stimulate his brain? He was staring hard at the I-beam next to him (we live in a converted warehouse). I put my hand on him, I kissed his cheek several times. I wanted to pick him up and hold him but I also did not want to disturb his near slumber. I got out the laptop so I could sit next to him and I started getting some stuff done while I had the chance. While I was working on the laptop I felt this nagging feeling that I should be paying attention to him. People keep saying: cherish every moment because it goes by so quickly.

Well, I suppose I am working to balance my life with his. Its strange to feel all these things as a mom.

My mom just emailed me some of her choice pictures from her visit here with us of 2 week old Will. This one is my favorite: