I am now 29.5 weeks along (just about 10 weeks away from where I want to be to deliver) and I have noticed it getting harder to navigate my body around in, around, and out of bed.
Wow, I cannot imagine what it will be like about 10 weeks from now. Maybe I will feel like this woman? I hope not!
I have been in (more of) a worry state the last few days. My contractions have increased again. Yesterday and the day before I have had to taken 5 STAT doses of Nifedipine to control them. These doses make me groggy and stupid and I worry about subjecting (more of) the medicine to the little fellah. He is just a wee little thing.
I just made an Excel spreadsheet of the highlights of my contraction adventures in bed rest. I know, exciting. It helped me to visualize better what the patterns are so I can go over it with my doctor. She will call to check in with me when she gets out of delivery.
Some of the reason why I want to check in (in addition to the concern that my belly almost seems to have gone into an almost constant “firm” state) is that I have been noticing some new sensations. Billy and I think that it is probably because of my enlarging belly. It seems to all of the sudden become bigger out of seemingly nowhere. It is getting large, folks!
My sense is that everything will be “okay” but I was told to check in with concerns.
Being “stuck” on bed rest and having to monitor my contractions and other sensations is making me slightly crazy with worry. I keep reaffirming that I am committed to carrying this baby until the first week of August.
The mind is a powerful thing. I aim to trust that.
This morning, while observing at my reflection in the mirror, I told Billy that every time I look in the mirror my hair looks different. My part changes, and it ranges from flat, wavy, to curly.
Billy said: the bed is your hairdresser.
So it is.
Of the things I am looking forward to in motherhood, play time is one of them. I can’t wait to play Legos with my little one. I used to play with my brothers and marvel at the things they would make (they were more devoted to Lego craft than I was). When I saw this picture by Jeremy van Bedijk I got excited. I think it is a neat idea (he shot it for an album cover) and composition.
Pretty much anything that uses Legos in a creative, playful way makes me happy.
Here are some fun pictures and a project:
Planter
Baby tuxedo tee
Escher inspired
Someone responded to the blog post about the Lego Planter asking if the creator would post a tutorial and one of the responses from an annoymous reader was something along the lines of: Buy Legos. Build it. You are never too old to start.
About the name and the company… straight from the Lego website:
The LEGO Group
The name ‘LEGO’ is an abbreviation of the two Danish words “leg godt”, meaning “play well”. It’s our name and it’s our ideal.
The LEGO Group was founded in 1932 by Ole Kirk Christiansen. The Company has passed from father to son and is now owned by Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen, a grandchild of the founder.
It has come a long way over the past 70 years - from a small carpenter’s workshop to a modern, global enterprise that is now, in terms of sales, the world’s sixth-largest manufacturer of toys.
I am taken with stuffed animals/dolls when they are handmade and they have a certain “wow factor”. I began thinking about making a doll for one of my projects in an art class I took in college. I sketched and out and visualized it in detail but it never made it out of my sketchbook.
In the last few years that urge to create a doll has been growing. I keep seeing neat handmade dolls that inspire. Today, cruising around on Etsy (yes, I’m addicted to this site), I came across a strange beauty (click on the 2nd thumbnail down) that made me stop and marvel. Partially I think that the doll is inspired, partially I like the angle and the way in which it’s lit.
I would love to make a doll/stuffed friend for my son. And, as part of my efforts to make a living, I also envision creating a line of dolls for sale. One of my criteria will be that it be machine washable in hot water so that it can be washed regularly to rid it of dust mites. I recently learned that this is an important issue for many allergy sufferers. Both Billy and I are sensitive to dust/dust mites so we need to make sure our little one has as little mite-y issues to deal with as possible as that helps kids to either not develop allergies, or to delay the onset of them.
This excerpt from the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology website helps explain:
Preventing environmental allergies and asthma:
It makes good common sense that, since some airborne substances may trigger allergy or asthma symptoms, reducing contact with these substances early in life may delay or prevent the onset of allergy or asthma symptoms. The evidence for this relationship is clearest in the case of dust mites, which are microscopic creatures related to spiders that are found in large quantities inside the home. Therefore, taking steps to aggressively control dust mites in the homes of high-risk children may reduce the occurrence of dust mite allergy in these children.
Today I moved into the living room. There I can see out the windows and I get a ton of natural light. It is a nice change. In the bedroom area it is a bit dark and there is no view out of the window from bed
I was able to do bed rest in the living room because we got an air mattress which we topped with a 3″ memory foam pad. We have been off-gassing them for over a week due to unnatural smells emanating from them that give me a headache and make my eyes itchy. They are still potent smelling (especially the memory foam) but I get around direct inhalation of it by placing a pillow or other object to block the area immediately in front of my face.
I worry about whatever it is that makes the odor and what it may do to my and the baby’s health but when I read up on memory foam it seemed that the main concern is the fire retardant that it could be treated with. When I read up further on this I found that California had banned the use of Toxic Flame Retardants (PBDEs) in things like mattresses. It remains unclear to me though when this law actually went into effect as well as whether or not this law keeps states who do not have this law from shipping items (we ordered it off of overstock.com) treated with PBDEs into California.
I have more research to do on this matter…
I’m totally fascinated with Etsy (www.etsy.com).
In the words of Etsy:
Etsy is an online marketplace for buying & selling all things handmade.
Our mission is to enable people to make a living making things, and to reconnect makers with buyers.
Our vision is to build a new economy and present a better choice:
Buy, Sell, and Live Handmade.
Watch the “about” video to see a bunch of spirited, creative people tell the little Etsy story.
Billy introduced me to Etsy in January of 2008 and I have been visiting their site on and off since. I spend about as much time (maybe more) reading their articles as I do looking at people’s Etsy shops.
And, recently I discovered the Etsy videos… these made me fall in love with them even more. They have this style that is raw documentary meets inspired, thoughtful, and creative.
One video that I really enjoyed (I’ve watched it twice) was about this guy who creates t-shirt designs from the stuff of his dreams. He is a self-made, passionate artist who makes a living at what he does. His beginnings seemed grim but he persevered. Me: inspired! Watch his little video portrait.
Recently I discovered that my friend Kirsten Moore of Portland, Oregon is a seller on Etsy. Her company is called piper ewan. Her stuff is so divine that they even did a feature on her! Visit her blog post “written up” to find out who’s writting her up now.
And finally, I will leave you with a short Etsy article on Guerilla gardening. This is something that Billy and I have talked about doing. The author has some inspired ideas. Although, I would test the soil quality if you plan to eat your crop.
Etsy walks the talk. They have really created a great community, not only online but in person as well. People meet up and exchange ideas, teach skills, and the list goes on.
I look forward to eventually becoming an Etsy seller myself!
I have been putting off writing today and here are some of the reasons why:
I have been feeling bit edgy, perhaps “stir crazy”. There is so much I want to do with my life, there are things that I have been wanting to do, and now that I have all this time on my hands I have come face-to-face with these desires. Due to bed rest, I can’t do anything about them now which is frustrating.
Actually, in truth, I can do something. I can prepare. I can read. I can research. I can write. I can brainstorm. I can finally work on meditation and learning more of what it is about so that I can practice my way into it. I even have a book on my shelf that would introduce me nicely. Then from there, there are options: I can get on amazon.com and find something more in depth. If I am feeling unsure of which book (or dvd) to pick, I can email or call one of my local yoga teachers and ask.
It is the things like dancing that are really frustrating me. Bed rest and dancing do not mix. I have decided to watch videos and read writings of dancers to learn from their experiences. I learn a lot just by watching so I have been watching clips on youtube. But all this observing is making me antsy. I find myself clenching my jaw or sympathetically moving my body like a snake being charmed by the snake charmer. Well, I can look at this “problem” as an opportunity to work on my relaxation skills, which is something I want to work on anyway.
And then there is crafting. I am itching to make stuff again. I used to create and sell silk flower adornments (among other things) and I’d like to start doing that again. This too will have to wait until after the baby is born. But when will I have time then? I will find a way (eventually).
Yesterday I began crying, sobbing actually. I was embarrassed because someone in our building might hear me. In trying to be an growing, pro-active person, I tried to assess why this was happening. But I couldn’t figure it out. It was as if a cleansing was taking place that allowed no room for assessment. Billy called me soon after the tears ended and he asked me why I was sad. When I talked about it to him I figured I was sad because I feel lonely. Not only do I feel lonely being pretty much secluded these days but also because I don’t really have much of a community here in the Bay Area. I have been somewhat hermit-like and my social skills have been wanting.
In thinking about it now, it seems as if I have been closed-off a bit to life… not living fully. Why? I have been wondering if it is because I have been wanting what others have (that means I am living outside of myself) instead of wanting things for myself and going out into the world and developing or getting those things (that would be living inside myself).
When I have these realizations, I try to use them for positive ends and not for wallowing in the negative. That’s hard, and is what I’ve done for too much of my life.
Anyway, this is part of what’s been going on for me. I am finding this time of my life to be very challenging. I also find it to be a gift.
I decided to post about this in my quest to be transparent, or, to be real. This is part of who I really am. Pleased to meet you.
